Services

Psychotherapy for adult individuals and couples.

Individual Counseling

Many people are caught in a knot of self-destructive behavior and are unable to see it or appreciate how they themselves have tied it. Each believes the problems lie somewhere “out there,” surrounding them but beyond them, rooted in external circumstances. They also believe that the solutions to their problems are “out there” too—the right man, the perfect woman, a more appreciative boss, a more interesting job, the right diet. - James F. Masterson, MD

I provide therapy services for male and female adult individuals who seek help with stage of life challenges, depression, anxiety, social anxiety/shyness, and anger. These are merely “visible” or felt symptoms of deeper issues. I help clients repair their mind’s operating system, where early life development became arrested. Through our processing, clients can become aware of the False Self from which they have been operating and discover their Real Self so they can live authentic and healthy lives. Living in a False Self is very painful because it strongly defends against the realization that your personality development was interrupted very early in life, preventing you from being who you actually are. These defenses tend to create very painful consequences in people’s lives. Discovering and living in your Real Self is about uncovering who you are without unrealistic expectations from others and living the rest of your life in your unique existence.

My style is a psychodynamic/object relations approach focusing on psychological structures in the mind - the core system that drives who we are, how we feel, and how we behave. One can spend many years in therapy trying to eradicate symptoms while the core Self remains untouched, resulting in the return of very painful symptoms. This cycle can repeat for the duration of one’s life. Clients often feel lost, not knowing why painful things keep happening to them - often finding themselves in repeating patterns of unhealthy behavior, relationships, or jobs/careers. It can be very confusing and painful.

Are you ready to begin?

Couples Counseling

The Challenge of Intimacy: Particularly necessary are the ability to perceive the loved one as a complete human being with both good and bad traits; the capacity to be alone and feel genuine concern for - as opposed to a neediness for - others; the capacity to tolerate anxiety and depression; and the capacity to commit oneself emotionally to another without the fear of engulfment or abandonment. Also important is the capacity to mourn the loss of a loved one in such a way as to free oneself emotionally for a new relationship. - James F. Masterson, MD

Using object relations as my primary relationship therapeutic framework, I work with couples focusing on the emotionally-driven exchange between partners. Guys - don't let this scare you! This does not mean you have to turn in your Man Card. Every human learns very early in life (before the age of 4), as the brain is developing some of its most primal and foundational structures, his/her place in this world in relation to others. We inherit and develop styles of attachment that drive how we regard ourselves and others. We bring this attachment program into adulthood with us where we reenact patterns of behavior we learned prior to conscious memory development in the brain. Often looking back, clients truly feel they had normal childhoods without any identifiable trauma. This makes sense because our attachment is integrated into our personalities before conscious memories are stored. The reality is that, often without knowing it, we internalized representations of others in our own minds very early in life that drive our behavior and feelings in current relationships with others such that we are really having relationships with these internalized representations of others instead of the person in front of us.

Men enjoy working with me in couples therapy because I understand how to speak to them in terms that they relate to and without making them feel like I'm revoking their Man Card. Women enjoy working with me in couples therapy because I understand how to elicit a positive response from men. I also understand the core needs of men and women. I am able to translate each partner’s needs and experiences in ways that the other understands.

Intensive Couples Therapy

I am available to work with couples in crisis who require half-day, full-day, or multi-day sessions. Crisis can include affairs/infidelity, addictions, life stage dilemmas, and comorbid mental health conditions. Often, one or both partner’s early life trauma causes marital or relational problems. Unresolved trauma can make otherwise good partners feel like failures or that they are with the wrong partner. Working through trauma can be done more quickly than you might think and can give new life to relationships that appear to be over. Do not give up just yet.

Customary once weekly couples therapy can be very effective; however, when relationships are at high risk for ending, intensive couples therapy can be a better option. Intensive couples therapy allows therapy to address more issues, more deeply, and more quickly than single sessions each week.

Clinical and scientific research (Boegner & Zielenbach-Coenen, 1984) has shown for decades that (what Dr. John and Julie Gottman refer to as) “massing and fading” is more effective for successful couples therapy outcomes than standard one hour and one session per week therapy schedules. This is especially true the greater the depth and complexity of marital issues disrupting a marriage or committed relationship. Massing and fading is defined as longer duration couples sessions upon the start of therapy with a tapering off of session length and frequency over time. In other words, science supports the efficacy of Intensive Couples Therapy, especially at the start of marriage and couples therapy. Effectiveness of and adherence to newly learned relational techniques is significantly improved by conducting Intensive Couples Therapy.

Boegner, L, & H. Zielenbach-Coenen (1984).  On maintaining change in behavioral relationship therapy.  In K. Hahlweg and N.S. Jacobson (Eds) Relationship interaction:  Analysis and modification (pp. 27-35).  New York:  Guilford Press.

Counseling for Men

Whether you are married, dating, or single, being a man in today’s world comes with its challenges. We are supposed to be tough yet sensitive, strong yet gentle, and take charge yet not be selfish. Wait, what?! Traditionally, men’s roles have been well defined in society - work hard and provide for your family. Men worked with their hands outside the home. Our skills included physical strength, endurance, and practical problem solving. In modern society, many men struggle balancing traditional skills with softer skills of empathy, nurturing, and attunement. Men tend not to pass these softer skills down to their sons because they are seen as feminine, which is assumed to be judged by other men as bad or weak. In our competitive nature, encouraged by our historical necessity for survival, we have been taught to never allow others to see us struggle or fail. Despite the advancement in women’s demands for more emotionally attuned men, many men (especially younger men) have not learned the skillset required to satisfy modern relationships. It’s not that men are not capable of being emotionally attuned to their wives or girlfriends; they simply have not been taught the skills needed.

How many times has your wife or girlfriend come to you, telling you all about a co-worker who makes her job painful and difficult? What do most men do? They do what they’ve been trained to do - problem solve! Your wife or girlfriend becomes upset and says you just don’t listen to her. Wait, what?! You just solved her problem, and you’re baffled that she is upset with you.

Every man can learn successful relationship skills. It takes willingness, effort, and time. You can do it while maintaining your masculine identity. The goal is to fight less, love each other more, and enjoy more fulfilling lives together. Isn’t that what we all want?

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. -Paulo Coelho